


Stifle

by mooningsammy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Fem!Harry, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mostly Gen, eventual age gap relationship, girl!Harry, nasty muggles, we all know how the Dursleys are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-12 04:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13539747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooningsammy/pseuds/mooningsammy
Summary: Twelve-year-old HollyPotter is obliviated after going into the Chamber of Secrets. Her memory is rocky, not gone, and she struggles to regain what was lost. Will she like everything she finds? What will change in the future?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -I apologize for the horrible summary. 
> 
> -I hate to say, but this will be slow to update. It's not complete and I take awhile to form new ideas.
> 
> -This is the first girl!Harry fanfic I've posted. I'm working on another, as well.
> 
> -I hope you enjoy! If you do, kudos and comments will definitely help inspire me to work harder.

The sound of a spell lingered in her ears as she sat up, confused yet sure. A man with strawberry-blond hair was staring at her with malice and excitement. Her fingers curled around the piece of wood in her pocket, and she rose to her feet before pulling it out, pointed at him. He backed away in surprise.

“ _Stupefy_ ,” she said, although she knew she shouldn’t recognize that spell. She was only twelve, after all.

“Holly?” There was a boy beside her, a ginger, and after a moment his name was on her lips.

“Ron, are you okay?” He was her best friend, and they were supposed to be doing something. “You should grab your wand.”

Ron studied her after he did so. “He obliviated you. You shouldn’t be able to remember anything.”

“There are things I don’t remember. A lot of them. But I don’t think it worked all the way.” She looked around, choosing a tunnel to follow. “Come on. Or, maybe you should stay here and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Do you remember why we're here?” Ron asked slowly.

She squinted at the floor. “Somebody is in danger.”

“My sister. She’s in trouble.”

Holly blinked. “The chamber of secrets. Tom Riddle’s diary.”

Ron nodded. “I know that you’re the one who’ll save her, Hols. So I’ll stay here with Lockhart.”

After a moment, Holly hugged him and then turned and marched herself down the tunnel. She couldn’t afford to waste any time. If Ron's sister—Ginny, she remembered—wasn’t dead yet, she didn’t have long, although Holly wasn’t sure how she knew that.

* * *

When she finally reached the chamber, Holly saw the younger girl laid on the ground, clutching a black leather journal to her chest. There was a man standing over her. From where she stood, she pieced together that he must’ve been the one who opened the chamber and made Ginny do all those horrible things… Holly didn’t know what the horrible things were any more, but she knew it must be bad if she and Ron were the ones coming to rescue her.

“So… you’re the heir of Slytherin,” she said, wondering how to bide her time and rescue Ginny while not dealing with a monster… a snake… a basilisk! _That_ was the monster.

“What, you figured that out finally, Potter?”

“Apparently so.”

She hurried to Ginny’s side, brushing the girl’s hair from her face. “Ginny? Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

“She can’t hear you. Soon, Ginny Weasley will be dead, and so will you.”

Holly clenched her fists, but she didn’t bother looking at him. “I’m going to save her.”

“Surely you must be wondering why I’m doing this?” He said, grinning something awful at her.

She shook her head. “No, it all makes sense now. You’re Voldemort, aren’t you?”

He glared at her as if he had been looking forward to revealing the truth. “And how did you put that together?”

“Well, you’re the only one stupid enough to try and attack Albus Dumbledore’s students, you see. You think you’re the greatest wizard of all time, but you aren’t. He is. You’ve failed, you know. Nobody you attacked died.”

He glared at her, and then turned away, toward the giant face of Salazar Slytherin, and started speaking in the language of snakes. She looked down at Ginny, promising to save her.

When the giant snake—basilisk—hit the floor, Holly ripped the fang out of her arm and stumbled toward Ginny, dropping both tooth and sword. Ginny was even paler than before, and Fawkes was perched up high, watching.

She glanced at the journal, ignoring Tom Riddle’s annoying voice, and wondered if he’d shut up should she put a hole in it.

She put three for good measure, and then more, continuing to stab until her arm gave out, screaming with pain from the venom moving like fire through her veins. Ginny sat up, breathing hard, color flooding her face. “H-Holly?”

“It’s okay, Ginny. You’re alright. You’re safe.” Fawkes landed beside them, dripping tears onto her wound. It started to feel better, but her vision began to darken. “I’m going to pass out, I think, Ginny. Ron’s down the corridor. If you can…”

Everything around her melted together just before her vision went black.

* * *

 

Holly was in pain. “The venom spread farther than Fawkes could heal,” a familiar voice was saying some distance away.

“Mr. Weasley, what else can you tell me about Holly's condition?” Dumbledore asked, his tone kind.

“Lockhart obliviated her, but he used my wand, which is broken.”

“The girl defeated a basilisk with no memories?” The first voice asked. She struggled to put a name to it.

“She remembers some things, but I don’t know how much. She knew me, and after some prompting remembered that we were in the chamber and that Ginny was in trouble.”

“Of all the useless fucking people, you had to appoint Gilderoy fucking Lockhart—“

“Severus, enough—“

Snape. Professor Snape. That was the other voice.

She opened her eyes and forced herself to sit up through the pain. They all looked at her, Snape even stopped pacing. His eyes were wild, though she didn’t know what the feeling behind it was.

“Professor Dumbledore, it was Voldemort.” The Potions Master flinched, Holly ignored it. “He possessed Ginny through a diary.”

Dumbledore looked grave. “So, Voldemort is still finding ways to attack the students of Hogwarts.”

“He was different… younger. It wasn’t the same as last year when he was living off Quirrell.”

“Yes, I believe the diary was an old idea, and perhaps the person who put it within Miss Weasley's reach has had it for a long time. Thank you, Miss Potter. I’m afraid I must take Mr. Weasley to his family. Would you mind answering Professor Snape’s questions, Holly?”

Holly watched them leave before looking at her Potions Master.

“Are you in pain?” he asked, not looking at her. He had parchment and a quill in front of him.

“Yes.”

“Describe it.”

“I feel as if I’m burning from the inside out. It’s not lessening or getting worse. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did before Fawkes tried to heal me.”

“What do you remember about your family?”

“My parents are dead.”

“And?”

“That’s all I remember, sir.”

His gaze was piercing. “Do you remember your friends?”

“Ron, Hermione…, Neville. Uh, Dean and Seamus? I remember the Quidditch team…”

“Who else is in your dorm?”

“Hermione, Parvati…, and L-lavender.”

He nodded. “Your teachers?”

“I remembered you and Dumbledore. Professor McGonagall teaches Transfiguration, doesn’t she?”

“Good, Miss Potter. Anyone else?”

“No, Sir.” She frowned, wishing she didn’t feel so stupid.

“It isn’t your fault,” he replied. “Places you can remember?”

“Including the school grounds?”

“Yes.”

“The Forbidden Forest…, the—the Whomping Willow…, the garden. Don’t we have greenhouses?”

“Very good.”

“Hagrid’s hut. Hagrid, he’s my friend, isn’t he?”

He looked up from the parchment, maybe at her tone of voice. “Yes.”

“I remember the burrow and Diagon Alley... Why do I remember Surrey?”

“That’s where you grew up,” he answered. “With your mother’s sister.”

After a long moment of studying the contempt in Snape’s expression, Holly's subconscious admitted defeat, and the memories—eleven years’ worth—flooded her mind. “The Dursleys,” she gritted out, through her teeth. Now her skull felt like it might explode from all the pressure.

He looked surprised. “You just broke part of the memory spell. It’s nearly unheard of, Potter.”

“Probably because it feels like your mind is caving in on itself,” she growled, massaging her forehead.

“Tell me the name of your owl.”

“Hedwig,” she said, and some of the pain abated--like if she didn’t think about what she shouldn’t remember, it wouldn’t hurt.

“The name of the House Elf who tried to stop you from coming to Hogwarts.”

“I don’t know, Sir.”

“How did you get to the school this year?”

“Ron and I stole Mr. Weasley’s flying car and we crashed into the Whomping Willow.”

“Who caught you sneaking in?”

“Filch.”

“And?”

“He brought us to you.”

“How did you become a part of the Quidditch team?”

“Malfoy was being a git and I chased him down to get Neville’s—well, something of Neville’s. McGonagall saw me catch it.”

“How did you catch your first snitch?”

“I almost swallowed it.”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Green.”

“What did you almost die protecting from You-Know-Who last year?”

“Something red. I don’t remember.”

“Very well. Are you still in pain?”

“Something tells me I’m going to be in pain for a long time, Professor,” she said softly. He looked at her.

“Yes, Miss Potter. I’m afraid so. You should rest. Your mind is fragile, so try not to force yourself to remember anything. If it does come back to you, your memory, it will do so slowly, hopefully, so that it does not break your mind.”

“You’re very smart, aren’t you, Professor?”

She ignored the surprise on his face.

“I know a lot of things, Miss Potter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry--i've gone through and changed Harriet to Holly. it just feels better, i don't really like the sound of "Harriet". ugh. does that make me an asshole?
> 
> -let me know if i've missed any? cool


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Holy guacamole! I logged on to check on chapter one and saw that this already had a buttload of hits! Thank you!
> 
> -Thank you for the kudos, as well!

It was the most that Snape had ever said to her, although Holly wasn’t sure how she knew this fact. She barely remembered what his classes were like. Though, in all the memories that stuck with her, most of what she’d learned since starting school at Hogwarts was still there, somewhere, in her head.

Hermione was a few beds away, and Holly got to her feet, gritting her teeth, to sit in the chair next to her bed. “I hope they have the antidote ready soon. I miss you.”

A cough. “Holly?”

She looked up. Neville was a few feet away.

“Hi, Neville. How are you?”

“When you and Ron disappeared from the dorm, I got worried, and nobody knew where you two had gotten off to. And then somebody told me--I think it was Parvati--that Ginny was nowhere to be found, either. I just figured, usually, when you’re missing, you eventually turn up in the hospital wing.”

Holly grinned at him. “Right you are, Neville. Ron and Ginny are with their parents in Dumbledore’s office. I’m supposed to be resting, but I just wanted to sit with her for awhile. Would you like to join us?”

He nodded, pulling a chair over to the other side of Hermione’s bed. “What was it? What happened?”

“I guess I better start off at the beginning…”

It took her some time, navigating through what she remembered so that he got most of the story, and when she told him about finding the door, he cringed. “So, you know where it is? Even though none of the teachers or people in the ministry knew where to look?”

“Well, when it was opened fifty years ago, a girl died. Moaning Myrtle. And I realized that she haunts the bathroom where she died. It can only be opened by someone who speaks Parseltongue.” She continued after a pause. “After we all fell in, Professor Lockhart stole Ron’s wand and obliviated me.”

Neville looked horrified. “But--”

“There is a lot I don’t remember, but the spell didn’t transfer properly because Ron’s wand is still broken from the start of the year, so I didn’t forget everything. I remember people really close to me, and Professor Snape said that more of my memories will probably come back to me, slowly.”

“So… what happened after you were stunned?” Neville chewed on his thumbnail as she recounted stunning the DADA teacher and walking into the bloody chamber alone. His face during the scene with Riddle was confused, then horrified when she mentioned the basilisk. “You fought a giant snake and a madman from a diary?”

“Well, he was Voldemort, you see, and the heir of Slytherin. I couldn’t just let him kill Ginny, so I didn’t have much choice. And Fawkes was a lot of help. Fawkes blinded the bloody beast before I even took one swing at it. When I finally killed it, I got stuck by one of its fangs, and Fawkes did what he could to save my life, but there’s still venom in me. Professor Snape thinks it’s permanent.”

“You have…, but that would be painful, wouldn’t it? A basilisk…”

“It’s like fire replaced the blood in my veins, but it won’t kill me. Fawkes’s tears won’t let the venom kill me.”

* * *

 Holly returned to classes with a new respect for knowledge. She assumed that Professor Snape would go back to pretending she didn’t exist, that the others would work her harder under account of all the time she’d missed when she was in the hospital for tests--they wanted to know if anything could be done about the venom, but they hadn’t found an answer and she was starting to get used to the burning.

But often, her teachers gave her worried looks, like she might drop dead in the middle of a class, and Snape even glanced at her every now and then. It  _was_ odd, she knew because Ron mentioned it to her. “He used to pretend you couldn’t be seen at all, H.”

After class, she told him about the venom.

“That bloody snake bit you?” His face went white. “You would be dead!”

“Well, phoenix tears have healing properties, but by the time Fawkes reached me, there was too much venom for him to properly heal. Any longer and I  _would_  be dead, but now, it’s just--inside me. Like a curse.”

“Oh…” He met her gaze. “You can feel it?”

“It hurts. It hurts like hell.”

“I wonder if it’s anything like the cruciatus curse.” When he saw Holly’s funny face, Ron explained the Unforgivable Curses. They were very dark magic, something only Voldemort's followers ever used.

“Well, I don’t know how much that hurts, but the more I get used to this, the more I wonder if I’ll even feel pain anymore.”

He wasn't able to let the Snape thing go. "It just doesn't make any sense. He hates everyone and everything."

"Well, maybe he knew my parents. All the other teachers did." Holly couldn't be sure. "He acted like he hated my aunt and uncle."

Ron simply nodded, seemingly losing interest. It gave Holly time to think about what he'd said. Why  _was_ Snape acting differently than he used to? Had Dumbledore asked him to keep a sharper eye on her?

* * *

 

It was during Potions three weeks after the incident that Holly was attacked with a damning headache. She bent over clutching her head through the wave of pain that eventually gave way to a set of memories--Dobby the House Elf and everything he had done that year trying to get her sent home--that was vivid and painful enough she cried out, then she fell unconscious.

When Holly came to, she was in the hospital wing, blood still burning, though it wasn't really noticeable anymore, she was so used to it. She had a slight headache from the memory flood, and she was in a hospital dressing gown. Sitting up, the girl rubbed her eyes, using her other hand to feel around for her glasses on the nightstand, since it was no use trying to look at her surroundings without them. Was there anyone else in the infirmary with her? If there was, why was it so bloody quiet?

"You're awake!"

She removed her hand and pushed on her glasses, blinking at who she saw sitting there. "Malfoy?"

"So you're not delirious?" The blond was wearing pajamas, so it was at least late evening. That didn't explain why he was sitting beside her hospital bed.

"What are you--" She broke off to yawn. "--doing here?"

"Professor Snape asked me to keep an eye on you and let him know when you woke. I guess he was going to stay and question you, but Dumbledore called him to a meeting." Malfoy ran his fingers through his hair, which wasn't gelled back for once. Holly hadn't thought about it before, but she realized that he wouldn't bloody well sleep with it like that.

"Is everything okay?"

"Why would I know?"

Instead of arguing, she just shrugged. "Snape must like you. Asking you to do something for him, like watch over your school rival."

"He's friends with my mother," he said by way of explanation. The Slytherin got up from his chair. "I'll go find Professor Snape. I guess I should remind you not to get out of bed."

* * *

 

Holly scooted to the edge of the bed and hung her legs over the side to kick her feet out of boredom. She hoped that the Potions teacher wouldn't have too many questions, as she  _really_ wanted a bath. Regardless, if he didn't hurry, he would just have to wait on her, instead.

But she didn't have to wait long. It seemed a bare five minutes before he swept into the room like a ghost. "Miss Potter."

"Professor Snape. I'm sorry for fainting in your class."

"No matter. Does your head hurt?"

"Only a little. I remembered Dobby and everything he got up to trying to make me go home this year."

"Start with the beginning. I need to know what you remember."

So, Holly started talking about the first time Dobby appeared in her bedroom on Privet Drive, how he told her that there would be a danger at the school and she would be much safer if she stayed in Surrey. She went on to include the locks on her bedroom door, the cat flap for her meals, and the barred windows. She tried to ignore how pale her Professor was when she mentioned how the Dursleys had punished her for what Dobby had done. "And then it was Dobby who closed Platform Nine and Three Quarters early, so that was why we stole Mr. Weasley's car..." She told him that the rogue bludger and a falling suit of armor that attacked her were also because of the House Elf. "He thought I'd be safer if I was sent home. He even kept my friends' mail from me all summer long!"

Snape kept his gaze on her. "Dobby works for the Malfoys, Miss Potter. If Draco's father knew what Dobby had tried to do for you, he might have killed him."

"So, Mr. Malfoy must have been the person who snuck Tom Riddle's Diary into Ginny Weasley's stuff, then. He set Voldemort--" Snape flinched. "--loose on the castle. I doubt Draco realizes this."

The man agreed. "And he mustn't know, Miss Potter. Somehow, you're always privy to information other students aren't."

"I must be a magnet for trouble, Professor."

"Indeed, you must." The look in his eyes said so much more than that, but Holly knew better than to ask. She put that information into a locked file inside her head, for later perusal. 

"You should rest. Madam Pomfrey will release you for classes in the morning."

"Good night, sir."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night walk makes Holly a new friend, no matter how odd she may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I thought, how interesting would it be if Luna was introduced to Harry much earlier on?
> 
> -Comment and tell me if you want any specific characters to get their own scenes with Holly!

In spite of her parting comment to Snape, Holly didn't go to bed. After her long, relaxing bath--as relaxing as it could get when your blood is boiling in your veins--Holly wasn't anywhere near tired, so she found herself pacing the corridors for something to do.

That was how she came across a girl tucked into a window sill, staring outside at the sky. She was taller than Holly quite beautiful at night, isn't it? The sky."

"I suppose," Holly said, bewildered. "Um... is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes. I was just thinking about my mum." Turning back to the window, she patted the bench beside her. "Would you like to think about your parents, too? You must miss them as much as I miss my mother."

Holly thought it was ironic that she would make a friend this way. "What's your name?"

The girl, Holly realized, was wearing the telltale robes all Ravenclaws wore, but she had the kind smile of a Hufflepuff. "Luna Lovegood. My father, Xenophilius, writes the Quibbler. It's the only paper that always tells the truth." Her smile flickered. "My parents liked to experiment. it's how my mum died."

Holly wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there, swapping tales and stargazing, but it didn't really matter. In the end, she had a new friend, from another house, and it felt good. If there were people like Luna in Ravenclaw, then surely there were people in Slytherin that weren't so bad either, right? After all, Snape didn't seem to hate her, even though the students in his house did. Maybe, honestly, it was just the people who followed Draco Malfoy around hanging on his every word that hated her, and even then she didn't think it was because of her personality. She wasn't  _that_ bad, was she?

And maybe, if there were people in the "mean" houses who weren't mean, then there were people in Hufflepuff that weren't necessarily nice, and Holly  _knew_ there were people in Gryffindor that weren't nice.

* * *

A memory came to Holly during dinner one day, halfway through April. She went from enjoying a nice bowl of stew to clutching her head because weeks of starvation at the Dursleys was pushing at her skull and hammering between her eyes. She wondered, briefly, if she was actually falling--and then slamming into something hard--, or if it was a memory before she blacked out.

As always, Holly opened her eyes to the warm lamplight that meant nighttime in the infirmary. Groaning, she pushed herself up, a comment about how annoying it was dying on her lips when she saw the person sitting in a chair at her bedside. Swallowing to try and find her voice, she said, "Why does it feel like all my bones tried to break?"

Her Potions professor, who must have been marking essays, by the looks of things, looked up from his writing. "Miss Granger described that, after clutching your head for some time, you flew backward into the wall of the Great Hall. Madam Pomfrey told us you hit so hard she had to mend several bones, one of which was your skull. When you fell from the wall, you sprained an ankle and broke a wrist, as well." His face was devoid of any emotion, which was less than the annoyance and cold disapproval he usually fronted, but something in his eyes said something else entirely. She decided not to dwell on it. 

"I flew into the wall? But. . . why would that happen?"

"Generally, everyone agreed that it must have been magic you caused by extreme emotional turmoil."

After a pause, Holly said, "Oh." She wasn't sure what else to say. Especially because they were spot on. Her emotions always got the best of her when she had to stay at the Dursleys.

"Miss Potter. . ." His voice was cold, but Holly didn't think it was aimed at her. "What did you remember?"

She didn't need to look him in the eye to know how his face would have looked. "Last summer, the Dursleys got meaner. I think because by then they knew I was a witch, they started hating me more. I didn't get to eat much, and even before Dobby and the bars on my window, I was locked in there pretty often. I was just lucky enough that I could do my homework."

His quill snapped in his hand. She didn't comment. "You were more worried about schoolwork than whether or not those people would feed you?" Snape's voice was soft, yet it was darker than she could ever remember hearing it, except for maybe when she woke up after the chamber and he was cursing Lockhart's name.

"School is the only thing I have. Hogwarts is my home." Holly ran fingers through her hair and shrugged. "I can't afford to get kicked out, and if I want to be an Auror one day, I have to keep my grades up."

She thought she heard him mutter the words, "...if it were up to me...," but she couldn't be sure because then he stood up. "Stay in bed. Food will be brought to you. I need to speak with Dumbledore."

* * *

Holly wasn't alone long. After Snape left, Ron and Hermione made themselves comfortable in the empty chairs by her bed, with Ron telling her how he could hear bones snap when she hit the stone wall, and both her friends looking paler than ever (except maybe when Hermione was petrified). "It was horrible. Somebody even said they couldn't see you breathing."

"We were afraid you were dead," Hermione told her softly. "And, well, after everything we've gone through the last two years... I'm starting to wonder though. What are they going to do when everyone goes home for the summer holiday? Surely your family isn't equipped to deal with the side-effects of Lockhart's memory charm?"

Holly shrugged. "If I don't go back to the Dursleys, then the magic that my mum left in me when she died for me is rendered useless because Petunia is the one who carries her familial blood. It's tricky stuff. If I don't go back, then it will be easier for Voldemort to get to me."

"But, why couldn't they find a safer place for you to go?" Ron asked. "They could put you in an unplottable location."

She could only shrug. "Don't ask me why. I trust Dumbledore and I trust the other adults, too. I'll do what they say is best."

Eventually, Madam Pomfrey made Harriet's friends leave, and she was told she couldn't work on anything for too long because her head needed time to heal. "We're going to keep you in the hospital wing a little longer, Miss Potter. We all think it for the best."

She nodded. "Yes, Madam Pomfrey. How long am I allowed to work before taking a break?"

The matron cast a spell and studied the flashing lights--which made no sense to Holly--before nodding to herself. "Give yourself thirty minutes to work on whatever you think needs working on, and then rest for an hour. If it all goes well, then we can move up to forty-five minutes. How does that sound?"

So she did, and she felt quite well, but while she was napping during her rest hour, the Headmaster walked in and asked to speak with her. "I'm afraid it can't wait, Madam Pomfrey." 

Holly pushed herself up, putting her glasses back on. "What is it, Professor?"

Dumbledore smiled at her. "It seems we've come to a rather large dilemma. Professor Snape thinks that sending you to live with your aunt and uncle would be very unwise a decision."

"Well, if the magic helps--"

"I'm afraid Voldemort isn't the one starving you, Miss Potter. I agree with Severus. However, my suggestion of who you might live with--one of your father's old friends--did not appease him. He thinks to live with a werewolf may not be safe enough."

"Well, I don't think Professor Snape and my dad ever got along, but the fact that he's a werewolf doesn't define whether or not he's safe to live with."

"There is a house, called Grimmauld Place. It's not the most comfortable, as it belonged to a mostly dark wizarding family. However, it is Unplottable, as it was Headquarters to an order that worked against Lord Voldemort in the last war. The house belonged to your godfather."

"I would like to meet him if that's okay."

Dumbledore smiled kindly at her. "A swell idea, my girl. I'm sure Remus Lupin would be glad to meet you, as well. He hasn't seen you since you were just a year old, after all." He started toward the big doors of the infirmary. "Do rest well, Holly. I will ask Mr. Lupin to come to the castle as soon as he is available. If this time does not come before school has ended, then you are welcome to stay here until it does."

"Thank you, Professor," Holly said. As he left, she took off her glasses and laid back down, promptly falling asleep. She would not worry about Remus Lupin until the next afternoon.


End file.
